Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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