just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
