I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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