my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
