last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
