I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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