so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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