Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize