Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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