I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
