I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
