i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
