Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
