So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
