You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a hot homeless man
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
why is half of my head shaved?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
