Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
