I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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