he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
