Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
