so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
