He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
