I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
