btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
