Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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