I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
