just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize