I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
