I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
