There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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