I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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