My hand turned me down
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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