Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
