Im at strip club and am horny
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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