Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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