In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
