Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
