I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize