Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
