chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
