i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
