don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
