At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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