Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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