I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
