i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
