What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
