I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
