The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and she was petting her beer can
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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