just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
