I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
