u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
