I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
