Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
