Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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