watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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