A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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