he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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