I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize