i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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