I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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