i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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