even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
