She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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