lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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