Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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