this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
