You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
