i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
try to milk me bitch
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