Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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