She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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