I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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