I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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