god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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