i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
