you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
someone owes me an orgasm
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
