I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
